recently, i've begun to receive emails from www.poetry.com again.
about five years ago, i submitted a poem (ridiculously altered and edited almost beyond recognition in order to fit within the narrow parameters of acceptability) to see what would happen next. after electing to not buy any of the $60 anthologies of wannabe poets' tripe that were, i thought, poetry.com's only scam, the dead poets society stopped sending me correspondence.
that is, until i saw a note on facebook
and decided to submit another piece.
the flow of emails since confirming that i had not, in fact, died or whatever has been astonishing. apparently, the cast and crew of poetry.com absolutely love that first poem... they just keep going on and on about it:
Dear Darryl,
The votes are in, and we are proud to congratulate you for your outstanding literary achievement. The editors of The International Library of Poetry were thrilled to inform you that your poem was honored with the prestigious Editor’s Choice Award because of your artistic accomplishments and unique perspective--characteristics found in the most noteworthy poetic works. To further commemorate this prestigious achievement, we have elected you to receive the 2007 Editor’s Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin.
This stunning pin proudly displays your elevated status in our poetic community. Since only an elite group of published poets were selected to receive this special honor, imagine the sense of pride you will feel when others see you wearing the 2007 Editor’s Choice Published Poet Award Pin. What an impressive way to show off your status as an honored poet for the year 2007!
The elegant detail and the meticulous craftsmanship that went into the design and production of this exclusive pin are unprecedented. This striking jewelry piece has the International Library of Poetry name prominently displayed across the top, the Editor’s Choice commendation appears on the ribbon, and the entire pin is set in bronze. It is truly a masterpiece that honors your outstanding and well-deserved accomplishments, and it is a must-have for all esteemed poets.
To take advantage of this special offer to commemorate your exceptional poetic talents, simply go here. This exclusive pin is only $19.95, plus shipping & handling. If you wish to send us your order by mail, please include a copy of this email and your completed order form to receive this special offer.
An Added Bonus For A Limited Time Only!!!
We have commissioned artisans to create a Commemorative Bronze Medallion to celebrate the accomplishments of the Editor’s Choice winners. This beautiful two-sided medallion displays the words “Poet Scholar” and “Editor’s Choice” deeply etched into the medal. The medallion is packaged in a custom gift box with a certificate of authenticity to further enhance its prestige. You can receive this amazing keepsake for only $49.95, plus shipping and handling. For a limited time, when you take advantage of this unique offer of the bronze medallion, you will also receive the Editor’s Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin at no additional charge. That’s right, the Editor’s Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin will be yours FREE when you request the commemorative bronze medallion.
New for 2007!
Darryl, because you are receiving such high honors as a published poet, for the first time ever we want to reward you with the 2007 Editor’s Choice Commemorative Silver Watch. 
As a published poet, imagine the compliments, praise, and prestige you will receive from your family, friends, and peers when they admire and envy your watch as an iconic symbol of your success and talent. These limited edition unisex watches are available only to a group of elite and talented published poets like yourself, hand-picked by our editors.
The watch features a sophisticated rectangular face with a silver finish highlighted by the esteemed “Editor’s Choice” insignia on the black dial. Your watch will be accented with an imported adjustable black leather band. The watch comes in a stylish gift box for safekeeping when not proudly displayed on your wrist, or it can be used to display the embodiment of your outstanding literary achievements on your mantle.
Because your creativity and artistic abilities shine through in all your poetic works, you can receive this fashionable and prestigious accessory to celebrate your 2007 Editor’s Choice Achievement for only $119.00, plus shipping and handling. For a limited time only, when you take advantage of this unique offer of the 2007 Editor’s Choice Commemorative Silver Watch, you will also receive the Bronze Medallion and the 2007 Editor’s Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin at no additional charge. The total package value of almost $200 will be yours for only $119.00 when you request the 2007 Editor’s Choice Commemorative Silver Watch.
As you are bestowing gifts to your friends and family during this holiday season, why not give yourself the gift of recognition for a job well done with your poetic achievements?
Darryl, we were delighted to award you the high honors of a published poet, and we hope that you will choose to receive the 2007 Editor’s Choice Commemorative Silver Watch, Bronze Medallion, and the 2007 Editor’s Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin. We truly believe these masterpieces honor the artistic accomplishments you have displayed in your poetry.
Please accept my best wishes to you and your family during the holiday season.
Sincerely,
Howard Ely
Managing Editor
The International Library of Poetry / Poetry.com
P.S. We are confident that you will enjoy the classic design of the 2007 Editor’s Choice Commemorative Silver Watch, Bronze Medallion, and the 2007 Editor’s Choice Published Poet Ribbon Award Pin. The highest manufacturing standards have gone into the production of these items. And, best of all, they come with a 100% money-back guarantee. If you are not delighted with your items, simply return them to us within 90 days and your money will be promptly refunded.
within the same week, this one came:
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After reading and discussing your poetry, the Board of Directors and the Advisory Committee of the International Society of Poets are pleased to announce your nomination as a Distinguished Member of our Society.
The International Society of Poets is the largest and most active poetry society in the world, with members in over 70 countries. Our objective is to appropriately recognize and award the poetic talents of our members
by providing a vital forum where poets can showcase their
poetry, encourage and support the achievements of fellow poets,
and share their love for the art of fine poetry.
Find out more about your nomination as a Distinguished Member of the International Society of Poets.
so i clicked on 'become a member now' (you can too) and found, waiting for me, the price of distinction...
so the price of belonging, for two years, complete with all the stuff which allows me to be outwardly identifiable as one who belongs (the watch, the box of medallions and the little pin) is $382 plus shipping and handling.
or i could just share my life, in relationship, with others for free...
well, not for free.
we all know that relationship costs us. it costs us love, grace, acceptance, time, energy, patience... all the things that our relationship with a Holy God cost Christ daily.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5.8)
***
by the way, if you go to this link and cast your vote, i can win a free ipod. if i do, i'll take you out for coffee!
heck, call me up and i'll take you out for coffee anyway!
http://www.poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=8290140
this all reminds me of a great bit from douglas adams'
hitch hiker's guide to the galaxy...
PROSTETNIC VOGON JELTZ
Now, Earthlings, I present you with a simple choice. Either die in the vaccum of space, or tell me...how good my poem was!
FORD looks weak and hopeless. PROSTETNIC VOGON JELTZ walks around behind a desk, and sits in a large chair, looking perfectly grumpy. He starts to smile again. Before VOGON JELTZ can finish, though, ARTHUR's eyes pop open.
ARTHUR
Actually, I quite liked it.
FORD's eyes widen and he turns to look at ARTHUR in confusion.
PROSTETNIC VOGON JELTZ
Oh, good...
ARTHUR
Oh, yes. I thought some of the metaphysical imagery was really particularly effective.
FORD stares some more, his mouth moving a little now.
PROSTETNIC VOGON JELTZ
Yes, do continue...
ARTHUR
Oh, and er, interesting rhythmic devices too...which seemed to...counterpoint the...uh...er...
FORD
...counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the...ah...
ARTHUR
...humanity of the...
FORD
Vogonity.
ARTHUR
Ah, yes, Vogonity, sorry, of the poet's compassionate soul, which contrives through the medium of the verse structure to subliminate this, transcend that, and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other, and one is left with a profound and vivid insight into...into...uh...
FORD
..whatever the poem was about.
sorry.. don't remember where i found this online. google 'Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy' or 'Vogon poetry' or something like that and see where you end up. don't forget your towel.
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