"I agree that our focus as a church should be connecting everyone together... How do I connect with people I don't know with in the church?" (crazy mom)
these two ideas were posted in the comment box for an earlier post. i think that they invite a whole new post. i am hoping that this kind of spinoff will happen regularly on this blog and will be its lifesblood.
anyway, first off i think that we might have a couple things backwards here. whereas mission and ministry are great connectors, the focus of the church is not to be missional in its ministries in order to facilitate connection between its members. that feels really contrived to me, like the church is somehow using the needy to serve some kind of in-house social agenda.
ew- put that way any ministry loses its beauty. the glory of ministering to anyone is the fact that it is for the benefit of the other- a kindness given away, no strings. believers get accused of making people 'love projects' and such in order to bolster their numbers or in some way self-serve.
perhaps a better way to view this would be to first identify the focus, which is to be missional (outward rather than inward)... and then to acknowledge that a nice biproduct of doing ministry together seems to be connection between those ministering BUT that ministry to others will be our focus whether connection takes place within this context or not.
now the thing i was getting at a week ago or so was that there is a need in the church for both OUTreach and something i have been calling 'INreach'.
we have varied ideas and strategies concerning OUTreach- as we attend to Jesus' final words about making disciples and baptizing people, we are thinking OUTreach and it challenges us to look away from ourselves.
great- but what does INreach mean?
INreach is still ministering to the other, except that these others actually walk through the doors seeking community. they are easily spotted: for those interested in 'other-spotting', they are the people who linger after a gathering rather than make a mad dash to their cars. they are waiting for something social to happen that doesn't happen when they are sitting in the big room. that is why they are still standing in the lobby.
these are people who know no one (or very limited numbers of someones) and have no real means (apart from introducing themselves around which is not particularly comfortable for most) of establishing connection with a bunch of complete strangers who all seem to know each other well and are on their own turf.
INreach is attending to the need for community that a person expresses simply by walking in off the street and remaining in the facility for longer than the duration of the basic gathering.
so back to the big question posed: how to connect?
(note: i don't really feel comfortable blogging like an advice columnist, but i can't figure out a way to answer the question without suddenly sounding all stuffy and detached, so here we go with 'personal.')
"just be you and remember that you are much more comfortable that the other is, and so you have an opportunity to share that comfort around.
buy a coffee for someone, introduce them to somebody you know- now they know twice as many people and it's only their first day."
they linger for a reason.
2 comments:
I agree with what you are saying. My personal struggle is I rarely have a chance to stay after church to mingle. With younger children, after church is a race to get them home, fed and off for a nap in hopes we avoid a melt down. I am looking forward to the age where I don't have to rush off right away and mingle with people, but right now it is a big struggle. So this is why I feel it is a struggle meeting new people with in the church. Also I feel one has to consider the intraverted persons within our church who may find meeting people hard. I personaly like mingling and meeting people I don't know. My husband, however feels awkward. Are there other ways to connect other than right before and right after church?
other than right before or right after church? of course... but they require more intention.
the problem is not a basic personality-type problem. i hope that we all recognize that there are may different types of people and aren't ready to impose our own personalities upon others.
let's look at it another way: we sing these songs about giving up our lives for the cause of Christ, taking up a cross and following...
well what if the only cross that an introvert is asked to take up is his or her own shyness? what if this is all Jesus means for this person? how will this person be faithful to Jesus' words and example?
somehow, we mustn't ever forget that all that cross rhetoric does, in fact, have to do with being willingly subjected to torture for the sole benefit of another. is awkwardness worth enduring for the cause of Christ?
here's one: when i invited your husband over to our place to watch monty python that first time... i found this tremendously awkward because, quite frankly, i didn't think he liked me! ha ha. i found his quietness very intimidating, like i was always being studied and evaluated and found wanting...
(of course i know this wasn't true and that this is often the misconception that people arrive at with regard to those who are shy or quiet- and believed even then that it wasn't- but social feelings are wierd and whether we desire their conclusions to be false or not doesn't really make them a whole lot easier to dismiss.)
... yet if i wouldn't have just gotten over my own insecurity garbage we wouldn't have been able to enjoy the rich fellowship that began then foundationally and continued into a time of greater need.
that's awesome. that's what i'm talking about... being close enough that someone can ring the phone and know the person on the other end is personally there and available to share love and perspective, you know?
(yeah, and i remember the nap days well... good times! ha ha)
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