Tuesday's lectionary reading this week takes us here
22"And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. 23I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
(Acts 20.22-24)
you ever get gripped with nostalgia upon returning to your hometown, or the place where you went to university, or a place in which you used to work? it can get pretty trippy, depending on the emotional colour of the memories that continue to reside there in your mind.
returning to jerusalem is a fairly intense homecoming for paul. probably not since arriving in damascas blind has paul felt such trepidation about going somewhere. jerusalem is where paul, once called 'saul of tarsus' in what probably feels like a whole nother life to him, was stationed during the period of his life when he was busy holding the coats of the murderous, stone-throwing mob and 'breathing murderous threats' against the followers of Christ.
so returning to jerusalem represents a closure, of sorts, for paul- the finishing of a marathon; the completion of a task. it is as if all that began on that damascas road is reaching its inevitable conclusion for him personally. it even seems that the guy is a bit worried about being murdered himself- and yet he presses on because, as we read in his writing, the Spirit compels him.
and when the Spirit compels me, am i faithful? i mean, when i KNOW it's God talking, am i ready, willing and able to move?
what if it means 'going back' even though i've 'moved on?'
very few faith opportunities in this western life represent any real threat to my actual life, so why do i find faithfulness itself so challenging?
perhaps i'm still thinking this life is mine.
6 comments:
I get the nostalgia of going home, for years, I felt that a trip to Calgary was "home," even after 8 years of living in Regina. The last time I was there, I checked in at the airport and they asked "going home?" when I was leaving Calgary and for the first time I said yes. So maybe Paul felt something else in addition to fear, trepidation or nostalgia, maybe he felt the peace of moving past the life he had there. Just a thought.
i like the idea of closure bringing peace. i think that, until he returned to jerusalem, there was probably a sense of unfinished business lurking in the background.
perhaps this is the stuff of Holy Spirit compulsion
I think past memories can bring forth huge tredpidation to a person. Going back to my childhood city sometimes brought me face to face with old friends & extended family who were trying to grasp who I was now compared to who they thought (and some still choose to think I am) I used to be. I dreaded the questions & especially comments that might come up when I was walking down places, minding my own business.
I also get what Terrill was saying about the first time she called Regina home. That took a long time for me to do, but the first time someone asked, "Does Regina feel like home yet?" and I finally answered yes, there was a huge sense of peace & freedom that came with that answer. It opened the doors to finally truly connect & do life together with people...to serve and minister...because I wasn't just here for a little bit...I was home.
"very few faith opportunities in this western life represent any real threat to my actual life, so why do i find faithfulness itself so challenging? perhaps i'm still thinking this life is mine." (Jollybeggar)
Well said...most opportunities in my western life don't represent threat, yet depending on what it is, they bring up fear and trepidation. I've been thinking on why lately. And the answer coming is that it's definitely a control issue. There might not be threats, but there are things that arise that are inconvenient and situations that appear that are uncomfortable. I humanly get this picture sometimes of what life should be, instead of surrendering it all. But every time even a little of that is overcome and I step out, peace reigns a little more. So now the work becomes to surrender completely and THEN I'll be totally ready and available at a whole different level.
"what if it means 'going back' even though i've 'moved on?" (JB)
Good point but the best things in life are found with finishing old issues off for good. Paul went to do that; he's a different man now - and come what may (as deserved as it might be) he faces up to this 'responsbility'. It's admirable.
And I think we all have these kind of things in our closet somewhere. I still feel bad for a few things I did in my past - and if I could change them I so would. The time has not arrived where some specific things can be changed...but I like Paul...can wait for that and do my best when it comes.
jason, your last paragraph brought this to mind:
"While you're sitting around thinking about what you can't change, and worrying about all the wrong things, time's flying by, moving so fast, you better make it count cause you can't get it back.." (Christin Zibreski)
my son's girlfriend posted this today as her facebook status. what a delight it is to bring her thoughts into this context.
by the way, terrill, interesting how regina became home just in time to leave it.
i wonder if we spend our whole lives leaving home or returning home and never just being home.
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