learning disabilities and revelations

so i thought it would be a good idea to get involved in the community in a new way- i went out for regina summer stage's production of My Fair Lady.

nobody said anything about dancing.

it didn't come up at my audition (which felt an awful lot like an american idol sing-through. there were even three people at the table) and i disclosed on my application that i had no prior dance experience or involvement. i mean, my wife won't even dance with me at weddings. just sayin...

anyway, over the course of rehearsals- 80% of which have been choreo so far- something very interesting has come to light. i think i have a learning disability.

not even joking. we will work a sequence again and again, but as soon as we move to something else, the previous work just disappears.

it's like this: imagine that within a city full of buildings you are commissioned to erect structures in a new subdivision of lots that have been cleared as part of an inner-city revitalization project. so, working together with others, you

• lay the foundations.
• frame in the basic forms.
• rough in the walls, and even
• mark where the windows are to be cut to correspond with the framing...

then you all realize it's lunchtime, so you leave the site to eat. when you return to the construction site, every one of the buildings is just as you left it except yours.

yours is gone.

not torn down.

not vandalized.

no...

it's as if no one had ever worked on your lot. from then on, every time you get together to resume construction, the other buildings progress, but you are back building from the ground up... and falling further and further behind.

weird.

i've always known i was not a particularly kinaesthetic learner, but apparently i cannot internalize sequences of movements and then reassemble them in order. who knew? ever since realizing that i didn't have any real dance moves (which is an entirely different problem) i've just avoided dance environments, period.

whatever the case. i now personally understand the frustration of many of my students in the past who struggled with math. those who

• did all the homework
• came in for the extra help
• reviewed prior to exams, and even
• took and completed extra assignments...

and still went completely blank upon sitting down to write the exam itself.

on a side note, i'm sure glad i didn't play the sanctimony baloney card back in the day as a math teacher, loading these kids up with guilt and sarcasm when what they really needed was a little grace and perhaps an adaptation or two as simple as taking a sheet with the formulas written on it into the test.

whatever. here's my point:

there are things about us that we don't really know are true until we find ourselves in the situation where these are given expression. as long as we steer clear of unknown situations, there are things about us that also remain unknown. our strength or weakness in this area; our ability or disability; our giftedness or lack thereof. these things about us are as unknown as the contexts in which they would come to realization.

this is the problem with spiritual gifts inventories and the like. life is a process of self-discovery and these instruments, although very useful in affirming our positive suspicions about ourselves regarding our natural aptitudes for service and ministry, remain silent regarding the things that we don't actually know about ourselves through previous encounters with others and God. if a person has never been in environments where he or she has received opportunity and encouragement to, say, speak in tongues or heal another person or utter a prophetic word, then these spiritual gifts continue to remain undetected just below the surface of experience.

and who knows what revelations lie just below the surface of experience?